Another post without pictures, just wanna find somewhere to rant. I don't think for such a post, a smiling photo will be appropriate..
Many things happened recently. Super fucked up with things, i know i should not use that word to describe but i really can't find another more suitable word to describe this feeling of mine. My friendship with quite a few people went from good to bad, bad to worse. People don't have to say it, i can feel it. I'm a human, i have feelings. I don't think you people will see this post, but if you do, i really want to say, yes i have a very bad attitude, but what i can say now is that my attitude really improved much from secondary school, i know no matter how much i change, i'm still that attitude bitch. But so what? Aint a attitude bitch a human too? You think i what? Aliens with no feelings? Do you people really know how much you really hurt me ? How much i really want to avoid you people? Sometimes do you know how hard it is for me to communicate with you, how much i'm afraid of receiving rejections if i start talking to you? No, you people don't know. You people have your cliques. So you think that hurting me, leaving me alone all by myself is fun. I hope one day you all will receive your retribution and have the same outcome as me, then you will know how hurt i felt. Especially that particular someone, it's the second time already. i told you my phobias before, yet you still continued being like that. ALRIGHT, can. I shall wait till you get your punishment. I.HATE.YOU.PEOPLE!
Not only the people i mentioned in this post, family stuffs too. Moving out this weekend. It's like finally. But i also can imagine the face of mine crying when i'm all alone, missing them. Everything will be fine Jocelyn, everything will be good. i'll stay strong. No matter how much people in the family, or people outside despises me, i'll still be that strong Jocelyn, cause you people taught me, nobody can be trusted, only i can be on my own. Even if one day when i need someone, everybody will just siam from you, even family, your close kin. Yes they still do contact you, but when you're gonna get trouble, instead of helping you, they will instead, threaten you with whatever they could and tada, you're dead. I will never trust 100% in anyone again, family, friends, boyfriends etc. Nobody can be trusted, NOBODY. Even if they're your family so what? They can't be trusted too.... I'm somehow sick of being in this family. Father's side, everybody stressing me, want me to move out asap. Someone even called me trash. Yeah i'm a trash, so if next time i can do very well in my career, don't you come and look for me. And also, another person, keep threatening me, like i said above. To you, i'm always the person that you can throw everything to, your secrets, your son, your anger, EVERYTHING. I had enough seriously. Whenever i'm aint free to look after your son, your attitudes came along, seriously, i want to stop all these nonsense. Another one, who always only concerns me when something happened, if not, i don't see them contacting me. As for mother's side? Someone gambles, keep asking me for money, and etc. I really really hate the fact i'm not born in a wonderful family. Why, why TELL ME WHY?! Why must i go through all these family shits since born? Why must i experience broken family, what is the significance behind all these?
I'm really really darn tired. I don't want to face all these shits. Hope after i move out, everything will be better.. I know i'll be damn xinku , but with determination, i believe, everything will goes out fine...everything will..
Huijuns.
Before i head to bed, i feel like updating my blog. Probably all thanks to Jovian, after seeing what he posted on his blog. Sorry but won't be uploading photos for this blog. Can't find the right picture for this post.
I miss that special someone. I've been quarrelling with him for the past few weeks. It's like, we're okay, then quarrelled , then okay and quarrelled etc again. Maybe what he said was right, i really fell for him. I don't know. I feel so lost. I feel like texting him, but i don't dare to. I'm afraid that our friendship gets worse again after we get better. Everything is like so blur to me right now, i'm really clueless, really dont know what to do. :( I still remember when i first know him, i used to label him as the most irritating guy ever, i remember that irritating face of his. And of course, i remember when someone made fun of us, i swore to him, i'll never get together with him. I feel like so damn confused right now. Somehow, i think i really fell for him, but somehow i thinks that i only could treat him as a friend. Probably my relationship barrier strikes again? I dont know. What will happen after this? Will we contact again? Will we even talk again? Will we even hang out, like how we used to? Sigh. And most importantly, do he still remember the promises he made to me...?
Huijuns.
